A Rut in the Road

7-Road-signBW-sm

I know I was supposed to have published at least two interview articles on education by now but I hit another rut in the road after the JET Program orientation on June 21 :/ Usually, I’m a go-getter, always-do-your-best-to-get-things-done kind of a girl. But some days, if the best you can do to keep your head above water is treading in the water for a bit longer than normal, then keep doggie paddling till you reach the pebbly shore is what I say! \O/

So, I’m doggie paddling for the time being 😀

This move is really taking the energy out of me. And it’s not just the packing, waiting, and visa paperwork (which was finally submitted on Saturday) – the things you would normally think of as being the main reason for stress. It’s mostly psychological. Saying good-bye to everyone feels so much harder this time around than it was back in 2011. I guess it doesn’t get easier. You just get better at it. More efficient, if that’s even the correct word to use, but never, ever easier. Making time to give everyone quality interactions also takes a big chunk of most weeks but it’s not a burden if I can see them smile and listen to all the things they want to tell me, that are important to them. What drains my energy isn’t the time it takes to see everyone off, in fact I wish I had more time with each person, but all the emotions involved with each interaction. I’m sitting there feeling torn for being so happy and yet so sad at the same time. Happy because I get this much more time with them, also because I’m embarking on an amazing journey to an amazing new place in Japan… but sad because it’s one day less and one person less checked off of my list of good-byes. And then there are the people you know you’re saying good-bye to for… forever. And those are the hardest. They won’t be there the next time I come back to the States. But I try to keep as upbeat and lighthearted as I can, which sometimes isn’t enough for some people, but what can you do? Change your whole inner being to please a few? I’ve tried doing that my whole life and it just doesn’t work but that’s a whole different story that everyone’s lived through before anyway so it needs no telling 😉

Even my dogs have started realizing something’s up and happening soon: they split their sleep cycles (half the night in my bed and the other half with my parents) to keep me company, when I come home after a long day out they’re extra excited and wriggling with even more enthusiasm than normal, and in general they look out for me more as if I’m their puppy.

I’ve made the decision to stay for two years in Aomori should my contracting organization decide to allow me to renew for a second term. The maximum, I’m not too sure yet… but I’m thinking three to four years would not be too bad. Five is the absolute program maximum. My predecessor was the first person to complete the full contract and I look forward to seeing how much time I can spend in Gonohemachi before figuring out the next phase of my life. It’s all toddler steps here. Because so many things have happened in the past six months alone (almost as if a lifetime has gone by and I’m not about to rush) such that I’m not going to presume what should happen next until I’ve thought it all out clearly.

To be a writer is to be like a god, creating worlds and scenarios out of careful observation, rumination, and twists of imagination. And to be alive is to be the writer of your own story. Never underestimate the power of choice, even the smallest one can reverberate decades into the future. So I’ll be making my choices creatively and imaginatively through much careful observation. In any case, this blog will definitely see many adventures. so many more than the last one that I’m excited either way.

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